December, 2023
By Oriol Macedo, Staff Reporter
“Ask Oriol” is the Cardinal Post‘s monthly advice column. You can submit questions for Oriol to answer at our Instagram page.
NOTE: Ask Oriol is intended as satire. The Cardinal Post is not responsible for the consequences of taking this advice.
- How do I make bread like you?
Man, get a job. If you can’t get a job, we dont judge what you do but we either get rich legally or illegally.
- How to get a girlfriend?
Well many students have different ideas and plans, but I believe that if you want a significant other you need to get some bread, some money. You have to have something to offer besides your personality and great looks. Drop 30 bands whenever, show them you got more motion than the ocean.
- How to know when to get tatted?
There really isn’t a way to know you’re ready. You know you’re ready once that needle hits your skin. That’s when you know, knowing that’s on your skin forever, the meaning of the tattoo itself, and the pain from it.
- What do the college nameplates with color by the cafeteria mean?
For some reason, not a single teacher knows the meaning but we have many theories why. Some say they’re the students that have graduated from that college. Others say they just didn’t have the same color option available for that year and some say they’re students who have passed away.
- How should you celebrate your 18th birthday?
I believe for your 18th birthday you should go to work and go get some bread man…aint no more birthday parties. We got bills to pay, you feel me? All jokes aside, I say you spend half of the day with your fam and the rest with yo homies and go back home at like 5 in the morning.
- What do you say to people when they hate you?
When people are hating, just look at yo bread and then look at theirs and I guarantee there will be a smile on your face when you realize they paying with pennies and dimes while you paying with quarters and dollar bills
- How do I beat senioritis?
Stop caring and worrying. Seniors don’t realize that the only class you need is senior seminar, English, and math. No disrespect to these teachers but the other classes have students stressing themselves out and they forget to enjoy what they worked so hard for to reach. Have fun, we aren’t gonna see each other again. Why not make it an unforgettable year?
- What are some tips for people going out of state for college?
Well going outta state is very hard for anyone. You’re leaving your old life behind, your friends, your family, your hobbies, your favorite chill spot, everything. It’s hard. There really isn’t any good tips anyone could offer besides whatever happens, keep your head up and keep getting that money. You got this.
- What should I do if someone crashes into my car?
From personal experience, the first thing to do is to make sure everyone is ok aka is your car okay? Then, ask or exchange insurance. If not, call the police or seek for a solution and if worse comes to worst you rob him for his money. It obviously wasn’t your fault because you know how to drive, and you don’t need a driver’s license to prove that.
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