February, 2024
By Oriol Macedo, Staff Reporter
“Ask Oriol” is the Cardinal Post‘s monthly advice column. You can submit questions for Oriol to answer at our Instagram page.
NOTE: Ask Oriol is intended as satire. The Cardinal Post is not responsible for the consequences of taking this advice.
1.How do I get through Valentine’s Day when I am single?
Man, while everyone is wasting their money, you are hustling getting that bread up. While everyone is showing love for eachother, you out here showing love for money, the only thing you need.
2.What’s an ideal date for Valentine’s Day?
Well what do we need after a long day of hustling and struggling? Food. So go get some food, you know, put on your drippiest fit, I’m talking drippiest. That’s about it, if you guys can have fun with just food, then yall can have fun with anything but be prepared to drop 30 bands (JK).
3.How do I rizz up the person I like?
4.What do I do if my girlfriend dumps me on Valentine’s Day?
Go get yo money up, ya’ll broke up. Show her she broke and you up.
5.Whats a good valentine’s gift?
Food and 30 bands.(Flowers)
6.Do you think it’s going to snow this year?
Man, it’s Texas. At this point I’ll believe it if it’s actually raining cats and dogs.
7.Do you think Kipp excludes people who aren’t in group A?
Absolutely. Although group A has earned all the benefits given to them as they are the best of the best, they get many benefits that maybe other people who aren’t in group A want and need. I believe Kipp prioritizes group A before everyone else. Doesn’t matter imma still keep hustling for that money, we up.
Bonus question
8.What should I do if I call my girl the wrong name?
At that point break up because she’s never gonna let that go. She’s always gonna bring it up in any situation, any argument. Save yourself the hassle. (Say it’s your sister’s name and she’s calling you).
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